Part of Life

Life isn't treating me good. So many unsolved problems. Have I not tried hard enough? Or it's just how things should be? Sometimes, people misunderstand and I can't explain myself. Lately, I don't even want to tell anyone about anything, because telling stories can sometimes be quite tiring. Although I don't want to talk now, but I still hope there's someone that I can turn to anytime. I have good friends that I can trust but sometimes they are just not the ones that could make me talk. Some facing tougher times than me, some too busy to even reply my message, some make me feel like they were never listening to me and a conversation always end with me becoming a listener.

"There is always a way out for those clever enough to find it."
- Rick Riordan, The Titan's Curse

It's happening.. Again.

Merry Christmas!!!! I haven't posted anything for such a long time. I'm too lazy to blog about the good stuffs because blogging means playing back the past and crack my head to transfer everything into words. As for the bad stuffs, I don't remember la and don't want to remember. Hahahahhaha!!! This year I celebrated Christmas with my colleagues. Although one day earlier, but it was FUN. My colleagues are funny people that would just crap, crap and crap! Very entertaining. We ordered a huge turkey for lunch, exchanged presents and some dance at the end. I have a problem here. Each time there's a party or gathering, I'll be so excited. When the party reaches its climax, I'll feel like something will be taken away from me. When the party finally ends, it's all gone. I want a breakthrough eh..

I've learnt that the mind is really a powerful thing. I've tried and I can let go whatever that's bothering me in 15 minutes. It's like getting up in the morning. The moment the alarm clock rings, it's "aiyooooo... How I wish it's only 3am"! In fact, it only takes 3 seconds to get out of bed but we always choose to buy more time. The first step is always the hardest but it's the only way to reach the second step. It's the same concept here. The mind is a powerful thing but the heart is weak. That's why it's always "you broke my heart" and not "you broke my mind"! right? People normally fall into temptations because they failed to guard their heart with their mind.

Okay.. Lets move on to my story about college and work. I was in Brickfields College for the past 4 and the half years doing ICSA. That's veryyyyy long. I should only be there for 2 years, but I told myself 4 years, and still there's an extra 6 months. Haha!! I just sat for my last paper not long ago and hopefully I'll make it. PleaseLetMePassBecauseIWantToGraduate!! College was not fun, the amount of students can be as little as 2 students a class and will never exceed 30. And I ate nasi lemak and banana cakes for dinner most of the days I was in college. Gosh.. I only enjoyed the last 1 and a half years because only then I had more classmates. But.. There's also advantage of having so few students. Maybe God knew that I was a no-brainer, so I was given Lecturers that would be concentrating on me all the time. Haha!! Because of that, I'm working now. Got a nice job, good working environment and good colleagues. I do not have a plan, at least not now and will go where life takes me. There's so much that I wanna do but I know it's not time yet. Just wait!

Anyway, Christmas party was quite sad because of my bad habit of getting sad at the end of everything. I can never handle the ending properly. That's what happens when the mind and heart do not coordinate well..

2013 is on its way! It's a good start for me and hopefully, for all my loved ones. Best of luck! There's one song that I must share. Simple and sweet!

I Have, but I Don't

Friendship is priceless. But it's weird to have times where I couldn't find anyone to talk to when I needed someone. It's very sad to be in this situation. It's not that I don't trust anyone, I just don't trust anyone enough I guess. Crying over something can make me feel better but I don't even feel like crying over whatever happened. Hmm.. So I'm stuck. There's no way left except for sleeping. haha..

Or youtube would be good! =D

Vocal

I can't take my ears off this song, the acoustic version. Their vocals are........ WOW! How many times have I watched this video? Countless times. And I won't deny that they are cute la. haha!! 

So enjoy!!

Happy

I'm just so free these days. I go to work in the morning, and I'll be home by noon. Now I really have my own time to do my own things. The last semester gave me so much pressure, and I'm glad it's over. There's pros and cons. I have my own time but I have been thinking about the stuffs that I placed aside for so long. And I realized that it's better if I'm kept busy, I would prefer to be physically tired and stressed up rather than to have heartache.

Anyway, I was talking to some elderly people. I think they are the best people to talk to, they made me happy, although not all the time. They always remind me about how we always make simple things complicated in life. I'm still trying to apply all these facts into my life. I just want to be happy! =)

Wake Up Call

Doing something that I feel like doing is better than doing something because I have to do it. This afternoon, suddenly I felt like reading the Bible. I've set a goal ever since I sat for my last paper, which is "I WANT TO BE KNOWLEDGEABLE". I know it's actually very difficult but I believe in taking one step at the time, and as long as I do my best, I'll be satisfied. Back to the Bible, I thought maybe I should start all over again, so I read a few chapters from the book of Genesis. *Ting* I somehow managed to understand, unlike before when I find it so difficult to understand even a single line. It's amazing, I've never felt like this. Maybe it's my perception la, I always thought that my English is way to broken for my age. Or maybe I read just because I had to read. I'm not sure but all I know is that the purpose isn't right. But now I'm sure that my purpose is to gain knowledge.

Recently, a friend asked me "Isn't God supposed to be your main purpose in life?". Honestly, I didn't feel good about that. Actually the reason why I decided to stop attending church is because I couldn't find what I was looking for and it's meaningless. I believe there is a God, but the question is which God do I believe in? I don't know. I hope I'm not being ridiculous but I'm currently in the state of confusion. Each time when someone invites me to church, I'll have all the negative thoughts. I guess I'm just paranoid? I need people that would leave me the way I'm and stop pushing me to do anything. There's no room for pressure.

Anyway, I have been going out lately, at least once a week to meet my friends. At least there's some improvements. =D Now I'm the one planning for the yum cha session. Haha! It's payback time I guess since I've been hiding at home before that. I really hope that I can remain like this. But it's hard to say la, "old habits die hard".. 

=)

Someone once told me friends are meant to be used. We are being used or we use. Well, it's all up to us to decide. =) BUT, finally, I felt the love that friends could offer, and how happiness is contagious. Maybe I have forgotten the feeling, since I haven't been watching movies for so long. Yesterday I watched a movie with my friends and I have never been that grateful watching a movie. I look to my left and look to my right, and see people that I appreciate sitting beside me. Even though I was feeling gloomy but I was comforted by their presence. I felt warm when I was out in the snow. I like this feeling. No matter what happens, it's still the love of family and friends that could heal all wounds. They are my best medicine.

I never thought that I could get the truth so soon and so easily, and the truth hurts. But it's okay, I would rather it be this way.