Appearance

I keep on blogging until I dunno what's the purpose of it anymore. I'm just sharing how miserable and boring is my life to whoever reading it. (I bet tak sampai 5 person!) Aih.. Conversation with my mum last week..

Me : Mumy, first impression very important wan hor? Especially our looks?

Mum : Of course, because the first thing people can see from you is your looks ma.. You don't expect them to be able to know your attitude when you all just meet.

Me : Then you leh? (cos I know my mum is sweet!)

Mum : Last time when I was working in the company, I usually get better treatment, I'm not showing off but you have to know that the world is very realistic.

Me : Aih.. How come I'm not prettier or hotter or maybe at your level?? No wonder la I'm always transparent..

Mum : How pretty you want to be? Like that still not enough meh?

Me : Of course I wanna look like prettier than I'm currently.

Mum : I better take you the disabled people center more often, then you will be grateful for what you have. And looks is not very important, having good life in future is more important! But if you have good looks with bad attitude also no use!

Actually I know everything. Looks is just temporary but I always care so much about outward appearance. Now I don't look down myself so much but I still hope to be like some other people out there! One word : "UNGRATEFUL". Sometimes I feel that I don't look too bad but sometimes I feel so ugly!!! It's seasonal. Finish la.. Confirm gonna stuck with depression for the rest of my life!!!!

But the Lord said to Samuel,

"Don't judge by his appearance or height for I have rejected him.

The Lord doesn't see things the way you see them.

People judge by outward appearance,

but the Lord looks at the heart."

1 Samuel 16:7

16 Always be joyful.

17 Never stop praying.

18 Be thankful in all circumstances,

for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Happy Belated Beatrice Boey and Christine Khaw

This is a post dedicated to my dear friends Beatrice and Christine which had their ** and ** (shhhh.. girls age are the biggest secret!) birthday on the 15th and 16th of September! I know I'm a lil late but I didn't thought of it until an hour ago. It better late than never right? I'm not sure if Beatrice will read but Christine will definitely not cos she doesn't even know my blog existed!!! But I'll still carry on!! Lemme start by recalling back how I became their friend. I shall start with Christine, since I met her first. Btw, Beatrice and Christine, if you think you will feel super gam dong, please prepare a box of tissue paper before you start. But I bet they won't la.. Okay.. Lets begin!!

I curi-ed from facebook!

I saw her a couple of times in church many many years ago with her red colour cari. That's all I know! And I remember seeing her in the basketball court. That time I was like, "Cheh" cos there's a flower on her left ear, if I'm not mistaken. And she's hot!!! Yaya, I know I was just jealous!!! Yes Christine, YOU ARE STILL HOT!!!! At that time I didn't like any girlie stuffs. BUT I'VE CHANGED!!! That the story la.. Then I dunno how we officially became friends and closer and closer and closer. I know I'm am bad friend cos I don't normally remember things like that. But one thing I remember, we are always the ones that feel leftout all the time. I guess "I feel leftout" are on our foreheads, that's why we can detect each other. Okay, I created that. Lameness~ Anyway, Christine has been a very nice and loyal friend to me. I can't help it but to say that she's very caring. She always make me feel protected although sometimes she can be quite strict. She cares for me and catch up on my life from time to time. I'm really touched by that. Even though she's really busy with her work now but each time she sees me, she never fail to take the effort to catch up with me. One thing that I need to learn from her is discipline! I can truly say that she has a high-level of discipline! IF NOT HOW TO BE TOP STUDENT?? Not only that, she's also very committed to everything she does. I like that! Continue to do your best and shine for God!!!

Alright, lets move to Beatrice!!!

I actually don't remember when was the first time we met but she used to be the girl that I wanna stay away from in church. She is hyper all the time. Honestly, I didn't like her at all at the beginning (I'm sure you know it Beatrice, but at the end of the day I'm still someone that is able to see whatever people cannot see in you! hehe!!). Everything about her is annoying to me. After that, I began to like her a lot. We went for Sarawak mission trip together. Althought we weren't in the same group but we were roomies for the first night I think. From that day onwards, I like her so so so so much!!!!! That why la.. Don't judge a book by its cover, I learnt my lesson. =) Lets move on, after that we began to hang out together, went shopping together (the last time I went shopping was with her too!), went to the toilet together all the time and even whined together. You know what Beatrice? You are beautiful and very talented in so many areas. You can dance, play the keyboard well, and most importantly you have a beautiful heart! That's really all you need. =) don't look down on yourself (..sendiri like that, I still wanna advice people. haha!). I know Beatrice.. We always feel like we are the leftovers. But it's alright, you have me and I still have you! I really thank God you are part of my life in my life. Nono!!! I thank God you made my life more exciting and thank Him for sending a friend like you to me!!! At least now I have someone to call when I'm depressed, someone to call when I'm happy and I share all my problems with you!!! One last thing, I love your sporting-ness!!!! Keep it up!!

Christine and Beatrice, both of you mean a lot to me. Both of you brighten up my life in your own ways. I'm really grateful. Thank you for choosing me as your friend in spite of my anti-social-ness. May God bless both of you abundantly!! Take care!!!!

One more thing, sometimes I really hate the mirror. It makes me look super ugly. When I was in college this morning, the mirror spoiled my day. Then like that la.. I emo all the way from 11am until finaly at 6.30pm, the mirror at home made my day! =D Really spoiler!!!! But it also reminded me that there are ups and downs in life. The same person and thing that made you happy can make you eventually sad and vice versa.

Lifegame and The Game of Life.

Frankly, Lifegame didn't really impact my life, but at least I started thinking about my spiritual life and I know I have to make a decision. Everyday is a tough day. At times I really wanna give up. Hopefully everything will come to an end, but deep inside I know that future is ahead of me and I have so much to hope and dream for. Or am I already in the future, just that I don't realized??

All I wanted is to live happilly and peacefully. I never wanted material things desperately like everyone around me do. I'm contented with the things that I have, honestly. I wouldn't even spend a penny getting an extra pair of shoes of the same category or anything that I already own. All I need is a day off from mental stress. Two more years to go and I will be done with studies. I know what is coming my way and more than I could imagine if I choose to climb the corporate ladder.

I was so sad when I had to leave EL Sanctuary after the whole lifegame ended. The owner of the place was so nice until I didn't wanna leave. But the biggest cause was I know I have to leave the peaceful place and return to my daily life. When I reached home, I felt lifeless. Suddenly I didn't have the strength to do anything. Due to the lack of sleep when I was in EL Sanctuary and also because I was not well, that night I slept at 9.30pm (for once!) and get up the next morning at 9.30!! But when I opened my eyes in the morning, I was dissapointed because life goes on! Arghhhh.

If I make the move forward, will I live better? I did that before, but look at me, I'm still the same old me after 3 years. I'm back to square one. Do I have to always make a choice? Can't I just go with the flow? I don't wanna think, I don't wanna decide, and I don't wanna worry about anything. But the more I dislike something, the more I'm stuck with it?? Is it God who put me through this? Or am I not trying hard enough to get out from this? I don't know! I guess everyone is going through the same thing as I do but they view everything from a different perspective.

I always admire others and look down of myself but I'm glad that I have overcomed it. That's my only achievement after 5 years. I don't like competing and mum said that's the reason why I'm not going anywhere in life. I admit that's one of the reason but I'm happy to be free from all the fights and competitions. I love doing things that I wanna do even when it's not productive. I'm not a person with big dream and I never thought of making big money. That's how I played Lifegame too, I lead a proper and honest life, only hoping to earn the amount of money that is needed to survive. And truly, I managed to survive. =D

However, I'm still looking forward to all the good things in spite of the situation that I'm facing now because "The sweet is never as sweet without the sour!"