Lifegame and The Game of Life.

Frankly, Lifegame didn't really impact my life, but at least I started thinking about my spiritual life and I know I have to make a decision. Everyday is a tough day. At times I really wanna give up. Hopefully everything will come to an end, but deep inside I know that future is ahead of me and I have so much to hope and dream for. Or am I already in the future, just that I don't realized??

All I wanted is to live happilly and peacefully. I never wanted material things desperately like everyone around me do. I'm contented with the things that I have, honestly. I wouldn't even spend a penny getting an extra pair of shoes of the same category or anything that I already own. All I need is a day off from mental stress. Two more years to go and I will be done with studies. I know what is coming my way and more than I could imagine if I choose to climb the corporate ladder.

I was so sad when I had to leave EL Sanctuary after the whole lifegame ended. The owner of the place was so nice until I didn't wanna leave. But the biggest cause was I know I have to leave the peaceful place and return to my daily life. When I reached home, I felt lifeless. Suddenly I didn't have the strength to do anything. Due to the lack of sleep when I was in EL Sanctuary and also because I was not well, that night I slept at 9.30pm (for once!) and get up the next morning at 9.30!! But when I opened my eyes in the morning, I was dissapointed because life goes on! Arghhhh.

If I make the move forward, will I live better? I did that before, but look at me, I'm still the same old me after 3 years. I'm back to square one. Do I have to always make a choice? Can't I just go with the flow? I don't wanna think, I don't wanna decide, and I don't wanna worry about anything. But the more I dislike something, the more I'm stuck with it?? Is it God who put me through this? Or am I not trying hard enough to get out from this? I don't know! I guess everyone is going through the same thing as I do but they view everything from a different perspective.

I always admire others and look down of myself but I'm glad that I have overcomed it. That's my only achievement after 5 years. I don't like competing and mum said that's the reason why I'm not going anywhere in life. I admit that's one of the reason but I'm happy to be free from all the fights and competitions. I love doing things that I wanna do even when it's not productive. I'm not a person with big dream and I never thought of making big money. That's how I played Lifegame too, I lead a proper and honest life, only hoping to earn the amount of money that is needed to survive. And truly, I managed to survive. =D

However, I'm still looking forward to all the good things in spite of the situation that I'm facing now because "The sweet is never as sweet without the sour!"