Wake Up Call

Doing something that I feel like doing is better than doing something because I have to do it. This afternoon, suddenly I felt like reading the Bible. I've set a goal ever since I sat for my last paper, which is "I WANT TO BE KNOWLEDGEABLE". I know it's actually very difficult but I believe in taking one step at the time, and as long as I do my best, I'll be satisfied. Back to the Bible, I thought maybe I should start all over again, so I read a few chapters from the book of Genesis. *Ting* I somehow managed to understand, unlike before when I find it so difficult to understand even a single line. It's amazing, I've never felt like this. Maybe it's my perception la, I always thought that my English is way to broken for my age. Or maybe I read just because I had to read. I'm not sure but all I know is that the purpose isn't right. But now I'm sure that my purpose is to gain knowledge.

Recently, a friend asked me "Isn't God supposed to be your main purpose in life?". Honestly, I didn't feel good about that. Actually the reason why I decided to stop attending church is because I couldn't find what I was looking for and it's meaningless. I believe there is a God, but the question is which God do I believe in? I don't know. I hope I'm not being ridiculous but I'm currently in the state of confusion. Each time when someone invites me to church, I'll have all the negative thoughts. I guess I'm just paranoid? I need people that would leave me the way I'm and stop pushing me to do anything. There's no room for pressure.

Anyway, I have been going out lately, at least once a week to meet my friends. At least there's some improvements. =D Now I'm the one planning for the yum cha session. Haha! It's payback time I guess since I've been hiding at home before that. I really hope that I can remain like this. But it's hard to say la, "old habits die hard"..