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I feel like shit all the time. When I'm at home, I feel like shit. When I'm out, I feel like shit.. I think just sit at the doorstep la. Even at the doorstep I feel like shit. When I eat I feel like shit, when I look into the mirror, lagilah I feel like shit. But there's only one time I don't feel like shit. It's bedtime. Mum says I'm too free, and the rest of my friends say I stay at home too much. What am I gonna do?? When I'm at home, I don't feel like studying, I'm feeling like that since the past 2 weeks. That basically means I haven't been studying for 2 straight weeks. Actually nola, I did read 3 pages of financial accounting and 4 pages of law. I remember cos it's past year questions. And when I'm out, I'm worry about studies. I feel like going out but I don't feel like living home. Oxymoron.

Almost everything make me feel like shit. I know la, cannot be healed. Aih.. Gotta live with it. Someone once wrote something to me. "Everyone has his BURDEN.. What counts is how you CARRY it!" Yeah, I know I'm no different from a piece of shit. That line, very true but it didn't help. I'm extremely afraid of failing exams but I can't focus. It has been so many years since I last felt like that. I was from 5. That time I didn't know how to study and pass physics anymore until I'm so afraid to go sit for the exam in school (thank God it's not SPM). In the end I still went and I still failed, the only time I passed physics was SPM though. I will never forget the moment when my physics teacher announced "Semua lulus Fizik kecuali Gwynne Kong!" I really felt so embarrast. That explains how stupid I am when it comes to something that requires full understanding and numbers. That's how I felt each time I tried to study financial accounting. Terrible! Horrible!

Anyway, about Adam Lambert. He's so perfect to me. Very charming. He has talent too, nice voice and he can reach an amazingly high note as a guy. Go listen "What Do You Want From Me" or American Idol 2009 if you want prove! The fact that he's a gay attracts me more. I like you because you are gay, Adam, and I like you more because you are proud of it!!!! He's the hottest gay anyway! =D Now I know how it feels like to have an idol. 3 of his songs are stucked in my head "What Do You Want From Me", "For Your Entertainment" and "If I Had You". I'm crazy!! I watched this 3 music videos for, I don't know how many times and I'll still be watching them. I like him so much but I know I'll never own him. NEVER! He can influence me, for example to wear eyeliner. That's idol. That's how it feels. It's not a good thing but what to do, I'm in!! Now I want his album. Crap, I'm back to teenage life! So now all the high school stuffs came back!