The Truth

Today's service is in the new building. Immanuel came down from Malacca and SJAOG is the first church he visited and he sat beside me!! Feel so honoured. =) my socializing skills are getting worse each day. I was really happy when I saw him entering the door, but didn't know what to say. I guess it's because I asked everything that I had to asked and knew everything that I had to know through facebook. That's why la, because of facebook things became so weird. Hmph! Anyway, "Welcome to the House of God Immanuel"!!!

Honestly, I'm losing my confidence in church. I don't feel the sense of belonging in church anymore. The bond no longer exists. I feel like a stranger each time I stepped into a church that I have been attending all these while. I only feel comfortable with a few of them. Someone told me "just open your mouth and talk your way in". How to talk like a family member when I feel like a stranger?? Or I'm the problem? Whatever. What's worst is I cannot drive to church, so I had to tumpang up and down. It's very very embarassing to ask for favour all the time. I feel like shit each time I had to call up or text my friends to ask for transport. Now I'm too embarrast to even accept someone's offer! Everytime I think of it I feel like hiding under my bed! T______T

I really have the passion for all the people that feel left out. I want to be there for them but I don't know where to start. I just gotta accept the fact that, "either you can be seen or you are transparent". If I have a choice I really really don't want to stay in the developed city. I told mum that I wanna go work in Malacca once I graduate, since I like that place so much and I have relatives there. But she told me that the pay there is lower but the living expenses is about the same in KL. I don't really care about the pay, I only hope that life can be a bit simpler. I wonder how am I gonna survive in future. I really gotta trust God and walk by faith.